About

Cindy A Helkenn

About me…Hmm.  Tough one because I usually don’t write about me, well I do, but not really about me, more like about things that I do or stuff that refuses to leave my brain until I have them figured out. Things like how spiders breathe, or whether or not flies have saliva – stupid crap everyone else probably thinks about on a daily basis.  So I am nothing overly special.  If I wanted to write about me specifically I would have named this place something different and maybe you would have never found it.  Or maybe you would have found it a million more times than you did while looking for what I actually named it (not specifically, of course.  Who would search for this on purpose?)

Who knows.  The Universe is an odd place to live.

UPDATE:  Ok. So this particular place (the whole place, not just this paragraph or this page) WILL be about me.  Things have changed and this is just the way it is going to be.  Use it as you wish.  Delete it if you want.  Learn from it, love it, hate it, talk about it, don’t talk about it – really I don’t care.  (Well I do, but I don’t).  It’s an evolution that has no direction right now.  And I don’t know how to fix it.  Go figure that one.

You see I have stage IV cancer.  Technically it is adenocarcinoma of the small bowel, with Metz to my ovaries, uterus and all girl parts (before they sliced and diced them out), abdominal wall and omentum and lymph nodes.  Yup.  Sounds nasty.  Is yucky.  And very difficult for me to say, which is probably why I don’t speak of it.  I write.  I have decided to write about it;  what it is like to be diagnosed, how it feels to live with it – all of it.  Maybe it will help me, or maybe it will help someone else.  Who knows.  It has to help something or I will continue to feel…unnecessary.  And that is an awful feeling, my friends.

 

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